I’m all packed and so proud of myself for doing it so neatly, tomorrow is going to be such a long day. I leave you with craigslist as you eagerly (i hope so!) await for my return in 37 hours.
To the lady downtown who yelled "Where's the Aloha?!!"
Dear local asian lady with the angry mask of hate and rage on her face (@7a.m. Nuuanu Ave downtown 6-1-09). Sorry I didn't let you pull into my lane and occupy the same space as I was. Truth be told I was under the strange misconception that two objects of relatively equal weight and mass cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Stupid me. To really nail it down, though- had you signaled I might have been able to guess your intention without actually having to read your mind. Lots of drivers these days aren't psychic, and I know that signal lever is heavy for your pudgy paw to move so early in the morning (though you seem to be able to give me the pudgy finger pretty deftly.)
The part that really cracked me up was when you rolled down your window and leaned out of the window opening, your face a veritable gargoyle, teeth bared as you roared, "Hey! Where's da Aloha?!!" Let me tell you- I'm certain that when the ancient Polynesians coined the term "Aloha" they were thinking of you driving your car into me without signaling- I'm almost certain of it.
I apologize for not letting you in to turn into the Heco building- I assume your place of work- but honestly I didn't see you, as I tried to tell you while you continued to scream epithets and flip me off. Here's a few pointers for you:
a) don't look for "da Aloha" during rush hour downtown. It may be there, but chances are everyone is somewhere between sleepy and brain dead, swilling coffee and navigating traffic and not really super focused on philanthropy, which generally sleeps until 9.
b) Although it creates an artistic example of juxtaposition, flipping someone off and asking "Where's Da Aloha" seems sort of ludicrous.
c) Signal your turns. Duh.
d) you're da local- I'm (to coin your oh-so-eloquent verbiage) da "f#*kin' haole". If YOU'RE asking ME where da Aloha is, we're all in worse trouble than we thought.
And finally- I'm sure you're somebody's wife or tutu or auntie or cousin- I'm practically certain there might be someone at home who loves you and wants you to get to and from work safely and home for dinner. Perhaps starting fights in traffic with burly out of work construction workers on their way to the unemployment office isn't the best way to assure your safe passage. Just a thought.
But cest la vie- shikata ga nie- the bridge is under the proverbial water. Aloha and have a great day!
Was that your limb? - w4m
I was running to catch the 9 train, early in the morning tuesday. Apparently I wasn't the only one: I saw you down the subway stop ahead of me. You were sprinting, and collided with a support column. Your prosthetic arm flew off, and you kept running.
You made the train, and I did not. All that was left was your lovely arm, glistening from the summer humidity. It smelled of pine and saddleneck oil.
I have it now, in my living room. It's sitting in a hallway basket, with some umbrellas and a digeridoo. Contact me: I'd like to meet the rest of you.
What is saddleneck oil??